Top Ten: Weirdest Poorly Translated Fortune Cookies:
1: “May you have ice cream in your pocket always”
2: “Quiet moments end in nosebleed”
3: “Wisdom falls upon you like whore urine”
4: “Never stop putting children within you”
5: “Strangers are just guests in your garage”
6: “Happiness is buried at the center of the sun”
7: “Calm lakes hide a dirty bottom”
8 “Chairman Mao stole my kidneys”
9 “The willow bows to the wind and the gas passes quietly”
10 “Fried Hamster Birthday!”
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Brian is a retired drill-press operator who lives voluntarily off the grid in a cabin in Montana. He has apparently been sending fake letters to businesses and prominent citizens for decades, as a hobby. We became aware of him when he sent us an envelope filled with white powder and some uncooked alphabet soup letters that spelled ‘ANTHRAX”. We spent over $100,000 sanitizing our offices and testing the staff before labs identified the substance as baking soda. We thought it was hilarious and asked him if we could publish his outgoing mail.