Top Ten: Weirdest Poorly Translated Fortune Cookies:

1: “May you have ice cream in your pocket always”

2: “Quiet moments end in nosebleed”

3: “Wisdom falls upon you like whore urine”

4: “Never stop putting children within you”

5: “Strangers are just guests in your garage”

6: “Happiness is buried at the center of the sun”

7: “Calm lakes hide a dirty bottom”

8 “Chairman Mao stole my kidneys”

9 “The willow bows to the wind and the gas passes quietly”

10 “Fried Hamster Birthday!”

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by kor.toni.

Top Ten: Hoaxes Richard Heene Considered before going with the Balloon Idea

10: “My boy has been carried away by flying monkeys!”

9: “My boy was a puppet brought to life, then almost turned into a donkey, and is now in the belly of a whale!”

8: “Maybe if I hid the kid in the attic with a microphone and threw a speaker down a well…”

7: “I have a rare disease for which the only cure is national attention.”

6: “I could just go around the country yelling ‘Fire!’ in crowded theatres. But how would that exploit my children?”

5:“I’m the real Jaycee Dugard!”

4: “Maybe if I told everybody Mayumi was having eight kids at once…”

3: “My boy has been turned into a giant blueberry by a maniacal candy manufacturer!”

2: “Perhaps I could work towards accomplishing something that’s actually worthy of media coverage! Oh no wait, I forgot, I’m a goddamn joke of a man.”

1: “The KKK took my baby away.”

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