Defeated Alex Rodriguez 697-347

Mr. Cook’s Qualifications

- Gets laughs by ranting about the awfulness of dogs crapping on his yard… Has a dog that craps on his neighbor’s yard.

- Has been known to “borrow” bits from fellow comedians… and then make lots of money with said bits.

- Famous for a hand gesture called the super finger (pictured above)

Defeated John Mayer 887-299

Mr Combs’ Qualifications

- Has at least six names that he goes by (or has gone by). You can’t give a nickname to yourself, douchebag!

- Created (along with Ashton Kutcher) “The New Rat pack” and proclaimed himself the “Frank Sinatra.” You can’t give a title to yourself, douchebag! Especially that one.

- Complained that gas prices were too high for his private jet and was appalled that he had to start flying commercial.

Defeated Donald Trump 786-289

Mr. Pratt’s Qualifications

- Tried to leave the reality show I’m a Celebrity Get Me Outta Here because he’s too rich and famous and the other celebrities on the show were “lowering his status.” When NBC allowed him and his wife (Heidi Montag) to leave, he begged to get back onto the show.

- Without his wife we’d have never heard of him and he wouldn’t make this list, yet no one is a bigger dick to their wife.

- Said this: “The bottom line is I’m making people react and ultimately not think about that we are in a war in Iraq and are trying to pick leaders.”

Defeated Jared Leto 897-122

Mr. West’s Qualifications

- Proclaimed himself the voice of this generation, then lip synced on Saturday Night Live.

- Proud and outspoken “non-reader” currently writing an autobiography.

- Created ugly shoes and then said this: “When the red shoes hit the runway…I was forced to change my name to Martin Louis the King Jr… Address me as such.”