Blue Collar American Applies for CEO Job at AIG

The Letter

COVER LETTER:

I think I am exactly what AIG needs right now. Read my resume and I’m sure you’ll agree.

Brian Henley
XXX Blank Ave.
Wonttellyou, USA 9TTCD1

henley_b@newgoldtooth.com

Objective: Seeking position as CEO Head Honcho Guy for American International Group (AIG)

HIGHLIGHTS OF QUALIFICATIONS

• Has never needed or accepted government bailout money
• Has never so egregiously mishandled bailout monies that a portion thereof were forced to be returned
• Has never contributed directly to a worldwide financial crisis
• Over four years’ experience repairing and maintaining diesel engines

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY

2007-Present Generator Service Technician
2003-2007 U.S. Marine Corps
2002-2003 Not hiding from protestors

EXPERIENCE

• At 21st birthday party in Las Vegas, Nevada, learned not to gamble on shitty odds
• Has worked for at least two institutions without bringing either to moribund disaster
• Has not allowed personal spending to outstrip income since first grade
• Saw Sonic Youth play the Paladium in ‘97

EDUCATION
Different than everyone else’s who got you into this mess

The Response

Dear Brian Henley,

Thank you for your recent submission(s) to AIG Career Opportunities.

If you are selected for an interview or if further information is needed, a recruiter will contact you directly. Additionally, we will keep your resume in our database for 12 months and may consider you for other opportunities. To learn more about AIG, please visit AIG’s careers website at http://www.aig.com/careers.

To access your profile information please go to http://www.aig.com/careers?cpUrl=http://careers.peopleclick.com/careerscp/client_aig/external/gateway.do?functionName=loginPageFromLink

Regards,

AIG Human Resources

You are applying to a position with AIG or one of its member companies. In the event the AIG member company to which you have applied is acquired by another organization, your resume/CV submitted for a position with that AIG member company may be provided to the acquiring organization.

The objective of the AIG Companies is to recruit, hire, train and promote to all job levels, the most qualified applicants without regard to race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age, disability, military service, marital status or sexual orientation. All such decisions are made utilizing objective standards based on the individual’s qualifications as they relate to the particular job vacancy and to ensure Equal Employment Opportunity.