The Surprising Source of Most Mail Fraud in the United States

Dear F. Stick.,

I am writing to you about what I think is a very important issue: mail fraud. In the United States of America mail fraud is considered to be a very serious offense. Therefore, I have gone to great lengths to ensure that everything in this letter is true and accurate.

During the past twenty years 80% of all the mail fraud in the United States has been committed by the same six people. These six people account for a total annual posting of 23 million tons of mail. This impressive number is made even more awe-inspiring when you consider that three of these criminals are over the age of 85, two of them are insurance adjusters, one of them doesn’t have any fingers, and another is in a persistent vegetative state (as well as an insurance adjuster).

In short I would appreciate it if you would stop committing mail fraud. Good luck with your insurance adjusting.

Best,

Stickney de Bourgas.

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About New Gold Tooth

We're a team of comedians with different specialties. Mostie does sports, Brian does pranks, the Zombie Gorillas animate stuff and Richard and Poon throw poop at each other. We're pretty sure that might be all you need to know about us. But if you really want to know more about us, please feel free to write a letter personally. Just place a self addresses stamped envelope in the mail with the following message: "I just paid the current rate of postage to mail myself a letter. This has taught me two things, one, I might be a moron and two, any website that would ask me to do this is supremely jerky." If you want to know anything else, send a second letter. You'll get the idea soon enough.