Testiclees, The Lost Philosopher of Ancient Greece

Today we introduce the greatest lost philosopher of Ancient Greece. One who was oft quoted but generally overlooked. Most historians agree that this is because he was a maniacal sexist with a penchant for public masturbation, but he was also 4 foot 2 and was therefore literally overlooked.

He was born Testiclees (pronounced /ˈtɛst-ɪ-kliːs/) of Corinth. His parents wished him to be something useful like a playwright or a gladiator; but Testiclees was neither intelligent nor strong. So he did what all of the other stumpy morons (what he called them) of his time did and became a philosopher.

Little that we know about Testiclees came from the man himself, most of what we know about the man came from his student and sea captain, Prostato (pronounced /proʊ-ˈsteɪt-oʊ/). From Prostato we learn that Testiclees is most famous for his contribution to the fields of ethics, epistemology and logic. Also, it is from Testiclees’ name that we get the “Testicle Method,” “Testicular Irony” and the “Dangling Modifier” of grammatical fame.

More detailed lessons to follow.

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