The True BCS Champion May As Well Be Decided by a Flaming Turkey

I was watching the BCS Championship on Thursday night between the Universities of Oklahoma and Florida and it got me thinking… Well, the game didn’t really get me thinking… what got me was the commercial with a man who caused his deep fryer to explode because he didn’t thaw his turkey. Could this really be true? Could a farm grown turkey finally (though posthumously) feel the joy of soaring freely through the air (suck on that penguin)?

So I researched the issue and apparently this actually happens. First, the ice in the unthawed cavity of the turkey flash fries into steam once it hits the oil. Then, the pressure from the steam in the cavity causes the turkey to shoot out of the deep fryer and into the air, which in turn dumps burning hot (and flammable) oil out of the sides of the fryer. This oil is then ignited by the heat source (a flame) below the deep fryer, and the result is a surprisingly blinding and winged explosion. It makes me proud to know that each year, real American geniuses blow up the kitchens that their wives spent all day cleaning.

With that, I propose a new way to finally figure out who the college football national champion is. We shall have each qualifying football team deep fry a frozen turkey and the one that shoots the highest and explodes the radest gets the national championship!

I think it makes about as much sense as the current system.

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