The Biggest Douchebag in America Championship!

Thanks to your votes only two douchebags remain. Cast your vote in this, the championship round, and crown America’s Biggest Douchebag!

Round One Results
Semi Final Results

Douchebag Championship Battle

Dane Cook Kanye West
Gaylord? Poll Closed
Congratulations to Kanye West, The Biggest Douchebag in America! (Won 2012-1984)
Gay Fish?
How Mr. Cook Got Here Round-1 Defeated Alex Rodriguez 697-347
Round-2 Defeated P. Diddy 1250-1188

Some Suggestions to Help Mr. Cook Become an Even Bigger Douche

- Create the Mega-Super Finger. Nothing too fancy, in fact don’t change the hand gesture at all, just add an upward arm thrust and a little hop at the end.

- Start telling the press that some of your best friends are total “gaylords” and that’s why it’s cool that you use the word in your comedy.

- Write a movie about the last word of a publishing tycoon being “Rosebud”. Put your name on it, star in it, film it in your own inimitable style and somehow make tons of money. Maybe call it, “Citizen Dane”.

How Mr. West Got Here Round 1- Defeated Jared Leto 897-122
Round 2- Defeated Spencer Pratt 1311-936

Some Suggestions to Help Mr. West Become an Even Bigger Douche

- Change the title of your autobiography to, “The Bible-Part 2″.

- Create your own awards show, “The Kanye’s,” air it at the same time as the Grammy’s, give every award to yourself and then tell America how awesome you are.

- Since you’ve already been “forced” to change your name to Martin Louis the King Jr, why not go all the way. Write a song called “I Have a Dream” where you sing about children wearing your high quality shoes. Who knows, it might win a “Kanye!”

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About New Gold Tooth

We're a team of comedians with different specialties. Mostie does sports, Brian does pranks, the Zombie Gorillas animate stuff and Richard and Poon throw poop at each other. We're pretty sure that might be all you need to know about us. But if you really want to know more about us, please feel free to write a letter personally. Just place a self addresses stamped envelope in the mail with the following message: "I just paid the current rate of postage to mail myself a letter. This has taught me two things, one, I might be a moron and two, any website that would ask me to do this is supremely jerky." If you want to know anything else, send a second letter. You'll get the idea soon enough.