People Who Should Follow “Oil Can’s” Lead

I learned last week that “Oil Can” Boyd wants to make a comeback. How many of you read that and thought, who in Rick Dickerts’s dunny is Oil Can Boyd?

Oil Can was an emphatically mediocre baseball pitcher in the 80’s. Since he hasn’t thrown a major league pitch in nearly twenty years and, like a fine wine, has been aged for 49, I think his decision to make a comeback is only natural, no, painfully obvious. Kudos to you for the leading the way Oil Can!

Here’s who I think should follow suit:

  1. Abraham Lincoln – Ugliness and death were not acceptable reasons for retirement! Your country needs you!
  2. Billy the Seeing Eye Dog – So what if you’re blind and rabid, Mrs. Simmons needs to cross the street and you need to feed on human flesh!
  3. Mark the Fashion Designer – Color blindness and adult onset heterosexuality all but banished you from your chosen field. Return!
  4. Helen the Pole Dancer – Morbid obesity and paraplegia make a return to your childhood dream difficult, but hey, you’ve still got your arms!
  5. Mervkeepspervin32 – You have erectile dysfunction, IBS and the only recorded life sentence for sexual harassment and yet you still manage to email my wife. I guess this doesn’t apply… I hate that guy.

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