Mostie’s Public Apology

I, Mostopholis L. Mitchell, have been using performance enhancing drugs. It started when I joined Facebook a couple of weeks ago. At first I could keep up with it, I would feel the familiar vibration of a Facebook update on my phone and immediately hit the site to respond. But over time the pressure of keeping up with it started to weigh on me. I don’t know if it was boob quiz challenge that finally sent me over the edge or if it was the sixth requests to come up with “25 things” but over the edge I fell and my parachute was crystal meth.

It changed everything, not only did I score a 60% on the boob quiz, but I came up with just under 396 and-half things about myself! Then I gave away 273 virtual fish and knighted a passing goat. I was halfway through an internal calculation of how much rainforest I had saved when I realized that I was literally knighting a goat and that my computer was six states away. It was time to quit.

I want to apologize to all of my fans and to all of the kids who emulate me. I’m not proud of what I did. Two weeks ago I was young and naïve. I’m not anymore. Thank you.

Related posts:

About New Gold Tooth

We're a team of comedians with different specialties. Mostie does sports, Brian does pranks, the Zombie Gorillas animate stuff and Richard and Poon throw poop at each other. We're pretty sure that might be all you need to know about us. But if you really want to know more about us, please feel free to write a letter personally. Just place a self addresses stamped envelope in the mail with the following message: "I just paid the current rate of postage to mail myself a letter. This has taught me two things, one, I might be a moron and two, any website that would ask me to do this is supremely jerky." If you want to know anything else, send a second letter. You'll get the idea soon enough.