Manny Ramirez finally decided to take less money, re-signing with the LA Dodgers for only 2 years and the paltry sum of $45 million. This reaffirms my steadfast belief that Manny is mankind’s ultimate altruist. Also, his nickname is Manram! Seriously! Can you imagine the twelve kinds of awesome that must flame from an individual with a name like Manram? At the very least he would need to be able to pummel boulders with a single thrust or do chin-ups on a galloping horse. I want a nickname like that, something that screams of power but is vaguely homo-erotic.
Let’s see, Mostie Mitchell… I could contract it like Manny did! Momit… Well that just sounds like vomit. How about I do the porn star thing? Let’s see… favorite pet and street where I grew up; Flemrod Foothill… No that’s just more bodily fluid, why did I name my hamster Flemrod? Sometimes people will do an opposite thing, I’m thin and I suck at board games so how about; Chunkblow Monopoly? Why can’t I get away from hurling? Hurling! Hurling Vern Snurstburggen! That’s powerful… but not homo-erotic. How about buttmuscle! …I give up, congratulations to the Dodgers and Manram.