I read an article the other day about a Kenyan man hoping to be the first black man to win the Tour de France. It was an interesting article and a concept that got me thinking. What can I, a middle aged white American male, do first? Initially I thought; I’m hosed! My stupid race, sex and age group have been hogging the spotlight from everyone else for years! No wonder people keep throwing shoes at me!
Then I realized that I was being a shmoo and that I just needed to be more creative. So I made the decision to be the first man to yell “Cannonballs!” every time that a cheerleader was shown during an NFL game. After doing this once, I was informed by one of the experts that this had in fact already been done by Gmail user; mervkeepspervin32, via text to stopstaringatthegoodsmerv13, a particularly bendy cheerleader from The Texas A&M University.
So I’ve changed my goal. I plan to contractually obligate myself to pay me $1 million for “services rendered”. Once I am unable to pay, I shall hire a lawyer and get the money that’s rightfully mine! Then I will be the first person to ever sue himself for breach of contract.
I always knew I was meant for great things!