Richard and Poon Review 2008

RICHARDHey There, Hi There, Ho There Computer Folk! Richard here with another titillating review from my house! This being a brand new year, I decided to review 2008 via my “Richard’s List of Top 5 Things That He Added To This List Because He Thought They Were Important Things List.”

Drum roll, please. Wait. Don’t. Rhythmic noises give me gas.)

5. Poon disinfects our drawer handles. Nothing is cuter than my honey in a hazmat suit using fire on our cabinetry.

4. There’s some sort of political event. Don’t know too much about this one – political debates and advertisements send me into rage spirals. To this day, I can’t look at a picture of Walter Mondale without “having an episode.”

3. I write my first editorial to the local paper. Sure, it’s an obscenity-laden tirade about the local officials and their unwillingness to pass laws making it illegal for people to come within 500 yards of my home, but in the end, I think everyone appreciates an average citizen getting involved. Plus, it must have worked – no body ever comes here!

2. I discover a new phobia! This was a really exciting one for me. Before 2008, I didn’t even know that electric scissors existed!

And the #1 Thing of 2008 that I added to this list because I thought it was an important thing…

1. I finally found that one penny that I had been looking for.

Happy 2009!

Regards,

Richard

POONHello, Webnet – Poon here. Happy New Year! I knew it would happen; No matter how many times I washed my skin over the holidays, I wound up with the germs that were going around. As I lay here in my coughing stupor, I think of all the great things the new year has to offer. It’s important to keep a positive attitude, even when you feel like you might cough your throat out onto the floor – the force of the next cough could literally dislodge my throat! But back to the positive: I’m getting the hang of this “sharing” thing and thinking of becoming a for real writer. I believe in being poetic…
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Christmas was here
And I got sick

I mean, that is simply beautiful. It’s expressive, it’s informative, it’s my voice. It’s professional writing for sure.

Before I forget, here are my resolutions for 2009.

  1. Don’t forget to follow through on my resolutions. (I always have a problem with this one.)
  2. Become a professional writer.
  3. Limit door lock counting to 3 reps instead of 5.
  4. Tell Tara from my Stop Being So Quiet group to quit humming during meetings.
  5. Allow myself to be photographed again – maybe even with one of those moving video picture things. Richard would be so happy. He thinks it’s the most regretful thing that we have no photos together from the past 6 months. A little over 6 months ago, I became deathly afraid of cameras. Somehow my mind decided that a stopped moment in time might actually stop my heart.
  6. See what curling irons are all about. I just love a good perm, but have heard recently it’s terrible for hair, so I think hot heat will be safer.
  7. Insist everyone start greeting with a hug or a nod – no hand shaking anymore. It’s vile and dirty. I have a theory that most men don’t wash their hands after tinkling and that means when you are greeting them with a hand shake you might as well be shaking their penis. And, I thank you NOT. I know what men do with their penises. I think.
  8. Stop looking up the meaning of every single word in a book I’m reading. I only read one book in 2008. I started it January 1st, 2008 and finished it an hour ago. It took that long. Book Lookers Anonymous is helping me with this problem. They say I know what “the,” “a,” “that,” and “you” all mean. BLA is so smart.
  9. Kiss Richard Everyday. Then promptly wash my lips with alcohol afterwards. Nothing personal, darling!
  10. Use a bath towel more than once.

10a) Buy a lot more bath towels.

Are you Happy it’s 2009?

TTFN,

Poon

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About New Gold Tooth

We're a team of comedians with different specialties. Mostie does sports, Brian does pranks, the Zombie Gorillas animate stuff and Richard and Poon throw poop at each other. We're pretty sure that might be all you need to know about us. But if you really want to know more about us, please feel free to write a letter personally. Just place a self addresses stamped envelope in the mail with the following message: "I just paid the current rate of postage to mail myself a letter. This has taught me two things, one, I might be a moron and two, any website that would ask me to do this is supremely jerky." If you want to know anything else, send a second letter. You'll get the idea soon enough.