Richard and Poon Discuss Canes, Turkey and Christmas Cookies

RICHARD

Hey there, hi there, ho there, computer folk! It’s time for another review from your old buddy Richard! I was really having trouble coming up with a topic for this week’s webnet journal, so I did what I always do when my mind is blocked – I started kicking a door jamb while cursing myself and crying. Well, I’m pretty sure I broke at least three bones in my foot, but at least I have something to review – my cane!

There’s actually an interesting story behind this cane and how it came into my possession. Now, I understand that you can buy goods and services with your computer nowadays thanks to the webnet, but back in 2005 we to had buy things in person! Well, those of you who know me are aware that my severe agoraphobia makes getting out to the store a real hassle, so I came up with a simple solution: I would scan the newspaper for local yard sales, get a hold of their phone numbers, call them, have them describe every item they had for sale, then get them to deliver the items I wanted to my door – piece of cake! Fortunately for me, the twelfth place I called was the home of an elderly gentleman who had a cane. I asked him, “How much?” He replied, “Two dollars.” I said, “Okay, I’ll pay two dollars for that cane.” He said, “Great.” A little later he brought the cane by and I paid him two dollars through the bank window system I’ve set up by the door.

What a great story, huh?

Regards,

Richard

POON

Hello Webnet Friends. Poon here. Well, one holiday down and a lot of discoveries made. For one, the thought of turkey makes me sad. I brought turkey to my OCD Thanksgiving party and no one would eat it because they said it was slimy and had a weird smell. Apparently you can’t wash a cooked turkey. But, I did what I had to do because after carefully placing the turkey on the decorative holiday plate, it slid off and onto the floor. I quickly picked it up, washed it and put it back on the plate, and off I went to the party. I thought it tasted fine, but then, I can really appreciate the feel and taste of soap. Or, at least I thought I could. Apparently soap intake makes humans vomit. I was ill for three days. I’m thinking of just making cookies for the next couple of holidays because I know for a fact you can’t wash cookies so there is no danger. Cookies get soggy when you wash them. Every year around the holidays, the Christmas ones, I get these engaging obsessions. This year I think I can only see the color green. Everything looks green to me and gets greener the closer Christmas gets. So I’ve found a very effective way to heighten my senses by watching the Incredible Hulk over and over. It’s almost too much green, but movie and TV people know what they are doing, so I know it’s just the right amount of green. I definitely think it’s a good thing to trust what the television tells you, especially the news. Which is why I have 20 dead bolts on our door, an electric fence on our entry way, surveillance cameras and bodyguards. No, I don’t really have all those things, but in my mind I do so I am protected from bad news happening to me.
I’m off to start my Christmas cookies early. Due to my fairness obsession, I’m thinking of making some cookies in just circle or square shapes, so they are still a fun shape but not religious, so as to not leave anyone out. Although, if you eat one of Poon’s cookies it is always a religious experience.
Do you bake?
TTFN,

Poon

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About New Gold Tooth

We're a team of comedians with different specialties. Mostie does sports, Brian does pranks, the Zombie Gorillas animate stuff and Richard and Poon throw poop at each other. We're pretty sure that might be all you need to know about us. But if you really want to know more about us, please feel free to write a letter personally. Just place a self addresses stamped envelope in the mail with the following message: "I just paid the current rate of postage to mail myself a letter. This has taught me two things, one, I might be a moron and two, any website that would ask me to do this is supremely jerky." If you want to know anything else, send a second letter. You'll get the idea soon enough.