I Stared Down a Horse

Hey There, Hi There, Ho There Webnet Folks!

It’s been a while since Poon and I have fired up the modem and dialed into CompuServe, but we have a good reason why.

Steel yourselves, good friends, because this is a chilling tale of love, adventure, and the petting zoo at the Kansas State Fair. My Agoraphobics Anonymous arranged a group outing to the fair as a kind of “hazard drill”. After all, if we could make it in that environment, he mused, we could make it anywhere. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that and he said “get in the Astrovan you nutty-ass douche!” (we have fun nicknames for each other – I call him “Sir”!) So I jumped in and away we went.

The state fair is like Rock Music: a scary devil’s buffet of overpowering sights, sounds and smells. I’m hazy about this next part. There were clowns. A guy with really greasy hair wanted me to throw darts at something. A rubenesque woman was waving a corn-dog at me, and a lot of people were pointing at me. I don’t know what the big deal was: hadn’t they seen a full grown man reduced to snotty tears running through a midway screaming “protect me Jesus” at the top of his lungs before?

It was by accident that I strayed into the livestock area, and that’s where I saw him: Blaze, the World’s Most Serious Horse.

Image Courtesy of soylentgreen23

Image Courtesy of soylentgreen23

Our eyes met, and I instantly knew what it meant to have the devil punch you in the naughty bits. A fire raged within him, the kind that grabs you by the short hairs. I screamed, “What do you want from me, Devil?!”

He said nothing. What a cool customer. Every terrible experience I’d ever had came rushing to the front of mind, and I knew he was up to one of his horse mind tricks. But I’m not fooled so easily, friends. I did the only thing I could – I passed out and woke up a week later in the hospital.

Guess that’ll teach me to leave the house ever again for any reason what so ever!

Regards,

Richard

Related posts:

About New Gold Tooth

We're a team of comedians with different specialties. Mostie does sports, Brian does pranks, the Zombie Gorillas animate stuff and Richard and Poon throw poop at each other. We're pretty sure that might be all you need to know about us. But if you really want to know more about us, please feel free to write a letter personally. Just place a self addresses stamped envelope in the mail with the following message: "I just paid the current rate of postage to mail myself a letter. This has taught me two things, one, I might be a moron and two, any website that would ask me to do this is supremely jerky." If you want to know anything else, send a second letter. You'll get the idea soon enough.