New Harry Potter Book to be Released!

Dear F. Stick.,

As dumb as it might sound, I have read the entire Harry Potter book series, even the ones yet to be published (I know the author claims to have written her last one, but in fact she intends to write twelve more). It might interest you to know the next two books introduce a Western theme by moving the whole school to the Old West. Here’s an excerpt:

“Reach for the sky, Potter. Your cattle rustlin’ days are over,” sneered Malfoy.

“Oh Hermione won’t you be my Huckleberry!” cried Harry.

Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? Even though the books are a bit formulaic, I enjoy reading them for their realism. Most of them are true stories! In fact the book’s main antagonist, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, is actually based on the true life wizard, He-Who-Must-Be-Named-Dickhead. I am sure you are familiar with the story behind his name, but I will refresh your memory anyway. The wizard’s real name is Edgar Katweil, but he was such a jerk that all the other wizards thought calling him Edgar was too good for him. So, they formed a committee to discuss his name. The committee’s conclusions went like this:

“This guy is a total dickhead!”
“He must be named dickhead!”
“Ah, but only the members of this committee are privy to the changing of his name. If we refer to him as He-Who-Must-Be-Named-Dickhead it will be clear that:

1. His name must be changed.
2. Dickhead is the agreed upon name change.”

“But then won’t we have really changed his name to He-Who-Must-Be-Named-Dickhead instead of Dickhead?”
“I suppose we have.”
“All those in favor?”

And thus his name was changed.

Where was I? Oh yes, the Harry Potter books. I have read and enjoyed those books.


Stickney de Bourgas.

Related posts:

About New Gold Tooth

We're a team of comedians with different specialties. Mostie does sports, Brian does pranks, the Zombie Gorillas animate stuff and Richard and Poon throw poop at each other. We're pretty sure that might be all you need to know about us. But if you really want to know more about us, please feel free to write a letter personally. Just place a self addresses stamped envelope in the mail with the following message: "I just paid the current rate of postage to mail myself a letter. This has taught me two things, one, I might be a moron and two, any website that would ask me to do this is supremely jerky." If you want to know anything else, send a second letter. You'll get the idea soon enough.