The Pawns Keep Crawling off the Board Part II

Dear NewGoldTooth Subscribers,

I actually got a letter back, and although it is an automated response it needs to be printed for two reasons:

One, I promised that any response would be published, and two…

It shows again that these letters are actually being sent. Otherwise, it’s not too exciting. Without further explanation, here is Part II of “The Pawns Keep Crawling off the Board”

by Midnight Glory

by Midnight Glory

The game of chess has been played for millennia. A relatively recent way to play is by correspondence. Two contestants keep their own boards current from distant locations and transmit their next move via e-mail or letters. Interestingly enough, each player starts with eight pawns. I mean seriously, this metaphor writes itself…

Sent to six TLC executives from an email address set up under the name Jon Gosselin:

Dear : TLC Executive

From: Jon Gosselin

Attn: Please forward to Kate

Well done indeed! Your last gambol isolated the king, and kept him out of play! However, I still have a few tricks up my sleeve. I withdraw my castle, leaving your queen high and dry. How do you like that one? And I still have eight pawns, which I will leave precisely where they are: way out in front. They’re at great risk, but they certainly make great bargaining chips, don’t they?

I can’t wait to see your next move.


Jon Gosselin


Sent:Tue 10/06/09 4:13 PM


I am out of the office until 10/07/2009. I will be out of the office, without access to email, starting Thursday,

October 1 and returning on Wednesday, October 7. If this is an urgent mediarequest, please contact Samantha Fisher at press materials are also available at

Otherwise, I’ll return your message when I return.Dustin

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About Brian

Brian is a retired drill-press operator who lives voluntarily off the grid in a cabin in Montana. He has apparently been sending fake letters to businesses and prominent citizens for decades, as a hobby. We became aware of him when he sent us an envelope filled with white powder and some uncooked alphabet soup letters that spelled ‘ANTHRAX”. We spent over $100,000 sanitizing our offices and testing the staff before labs identified the substance as baking soda. We thought it was hilarious and asked him if we could publish his outgoing mail.