Prank Letter to Ebay, Part-4: Brian’s Solution

Email Account – Brian Henley

From: Brian Henley []

Sent: Wednesday, February 18, 2009 1:30 PM
To: Ebay Customer Service []
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Rules for selling on ebay

Dear Ackley T.:

I must admit it stings a little to have my luminous, vulnerable soul lumped into a category with imaginary concoctions like ghosts, demons and air. I assure you my soul is very real, as is my rhythm.

Your insults notwithstanding, however, I see a way to resolve this in a classic win-win situation: I am a guy looking to trade his eternal soul for short-time profit. EBay, as we have well established through our dialogue, is an empty bureaucracy that values the sacred as paltry next to tradable commodities like psychic readings and psychology sessions; while equating the divine with air. The answer is obvious. I want to sell a soul and eBay desperately needs one.

I hereby open formal negotiations with eBay itself for the purchase of my immortal soul.

Put me in contact with somebody who makes decisions.


Brian Henley

Related posts:

About New Gold Tooth

We're a team of comedians with different specialties. Mostie does sports, Brian does pranks, the Zombie Gorillas animate stuff and Richard and Poon throw poop at each other. We're pretty sure that might be all you need to know about us. But if you really want to know more about us, please feel free to write a letter personally. Just place a self addresses stamped envelope in the mail with the following message: "I just paid the current rate of postage to mail myself a letter. This has taught me two things, one, I might be a moron and two, any website that would ask me to do this is supremely jerky." If you want to know anything else, send a second letter. You'll get the idea soon enough.