Brian Offers to Help the Humane Society Part III

In Part I (available for viewing) I offered to dispose of the Humane Society’s unwanted animals by feeding them to my snake. In Part II (also available for viewing) I posted their response and addressed their reservations. Now in Part III we explore their tolerance for looniness…

 

Dear Mr. Henley,

 

Thank you again for your thoughts.  I am afraid that our policy here is that deceased animals are sent to our partnering animal memorial park unless the pet owner requests otherwise. Good luck in your efforts.

 

Sincerely,

 

 

XXXXXX, RVT

Animal Receiving Manager

San Diego Humane Society & SPCA

5500 Gaines Street

San Diego, CA 92101

 

Dear Ms. XXXXXX,

It is very clear through our conversations that you treat the animals under your care with the utmost regard and consideration, even after their passing, and I hope the community realizes what a wonderful institution they have in the San Diego Humane Society.

I notice from your last email that you often have pet owners with specific wishes concerning their pet’s remains. Perhaps were you to inform them of my snake and me, and the service we provide, they might be interested. It would be like a little piece of their beloved companion lived on in my python, and people could find that comforting. They might also be interested in paying just to witness the spectacle, as it can be quite an arresting and graphic display of adaptive physiology.

What do you think? More options available to the bereaved can’t be a bad thing…

Sincerely,
Brian

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About Brian

Brian is a retired drill-press operator who lives voluntarily off the grid in a cabin in Montana. He has apparently been sending fake letters to businesses and prominent citizens for decades, as a hobby. We became aware of him when he sent us an envelope filled with white powder and some uncooked alphabet soup letters that spelled ‘ANTHRAX”. We spent over $100,000 sanitizing our offices and testing the staff before labs identified the substance as baking soda. We thought it was hilarious and asked him if we could publish his outgoing mail.