I’ll Show You Where You Can Put That Nut Basket

I was given a gift today from a company that wants to do business with mine. When I saw the package, I was so excited! I felt like it was Christmas in March! You see I have co-workers who get gifts like chocolate, movie tickets, computers and jet skis. So when I saw a package addressed to me from a company that wanted my division’s money, I thought, “This is it! I’m finally going to get that play dough self-portrait! Ooh! Or maybe it’s a Me Transformer! Benbot, transform! And then I’ll make the transforming noise ‘troo hchu choo to tzhoo,’ and turn the ‘Mini Microwave Oven’ into ‘Battle Action Robot Ben!’”

So anyway, I pull out my box cutter knife (totally unnecessary by the way, the box was barely taped, a good fart would have opened the thing. But the knife feels manly and so I use it for pretty much everything. Opening envelopes, changing batteries, piercing the whole in that little aluminum spot for the straw on my juice box) and I break open my soon to be priceless gift. I finally unwrap the thing that will give me office bragging rights for a month as my excitement builds! What could it be!!

It’s! …a nut basket?

A flipping nut basket! I don’t like nuts, and I won’t use a basket! I wish that the world would get through its molten head that BEN IS NOT A FAN OF THE NUTS! Ever since I played that effeminate elf in the 9th grade play, it’s been hazelnut this and macadamia that and hey there kid, wanna look at my nuts! I mean for god sakes!

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About New Gold Tooth

We're a team of comedians with different specialties. Mostie does sports, Brian does pranks, the Zombie Gorillas animate stuff and Richard and Poon throw poop at each other. We're pretty sure that might be all you need to know about us. But if you really want to know more about us, please feel free to write a letter personally. Just place a self addresses stamped envelope in the mail with the following message: "I just paid the current rate of postage to mail myself a letter. This has taught me two things, one, I might be a moron and two, any website that would ask me to do this is supremely jerky." If you want to know anything else, send a second letter. You'll get the idea soon enough.