Dr. Ralph says that mankind is causing the Earth to heat up, and that we’re all going to die in a burning pool of ocean.
Dr. Doug says that the earth is naturally heating up regardless of mankind and this will inevitably lead to an Ice Age where we all die in a nifty 10,000-foot high block of Ice.
So I said to the good doctors, “Look Docs, I have been told by a very reliable source that burning to death is extremely painful… actually… come to think of it how many times could Carl have possibly been burned to death? Once at most… but then he’d be dead. It is possible that my source is completely un-reliable. So… please disregard what I just said and replace it with, burning to death seems like it might possibly be very painful, though I have no evidence of this fact aside from what I have seen in movies with witches, stakes and angry flaming mobs.”
The doctors then spent twenty minutes getting me to elaborate on what I meant by flaming mobs. That’s what it’s like with scholarly types; you have to really be specific with your words. Eventually they let me continue, “…and have any of you ever had to put Ice on a swollen groin? It shrinks the Jesus from your Jimmy. My point here is, you have given the world only two options, possibly painful death, or worse, a society plagued with frosted mini peckers and unsatisfied women. What we need is not arguments, but solutions!”
After icing each other’s groins and screaming in panicked realization, the doctors said:
- Protect the ice caps
- Use less fuel
- Encourage nature
- …and most importantly, stop volcanoes
Let’s all do what we can to help the environment by doing one of the above!