Apparently The Postal System Works

Dear F. Stick.,

I am writing this letter because I have recently learned that our postal system allows you to send mail, as well as receive it. In addition, you are allowed to (as far as I can tell) send this mail to anyone you choose. Anyway, I thought I would give it a whirl and see how it goes. So far it seems to be going pretty well.

The other reason I have sent this letter is to give you some good news. Usually the only things I receive in the mail bring bad news, like bills (by the way you still owe me $32.43 from when we took those jai alai lessons together back in April), tickets (I get lots of parking tickets for some reason), jury summonses, rejection letters, and death threats. I thought it would be nice for some good news to come through the mail, for a change. It’s true that you can get brides and sea monkeys through the mail, both good things, but that’s beside the point.

My good news for you is this: The postal system still works! I know this is not great as far as good news goes, but it was the only thing I could think of that met my good news criteria. There were two criteria for your good news. 1. The news had to be good – check. 2. I had to be sure the good news would still be true when you read this (I would feel really bad about giving you good news that was no longer true).

Clearly you can see that my message fits both of my criteria quite well. I hope you enjoy your good news and enjoy your day.


Stickney de Bourgas.

Stickney de Bourgas.

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About New Gold Tooth

We're a team of comedians with different specialties. Mostie does sports, Brian does pranks, the Zombie Gorillas animate stuff and Richard and Poon throw poop at each other. We're pretty sure that might be all you need to know about us. But if you really want to know more about us, please feel free to write a letter personally. Just place a self addresses stamped envelope in the mail with the following message: "I just paid the current rate of postage to mail myself a letter. This has taught me two things, one, I might be a moron and two, any website that would ask me to do this is supremely jerky." If you want to know anything else, send a second letter. You'll get the idea soon enough.