My name is F. Stickney de Bourgas. Stickney de Bourgas is my nemesis. Growing up he was always there to show me up and make me look bad. If I took an exam and got a 65, he’d get a 66. If I bowled a 47, he’d bowl a 48. The guy has haunted me all my life. To get back at him I decided to change my name to F. Stickney de Bourgas, where the F. stands for Fuck. So there it is, Fuck Stickney de Bourgas.
At this point many of you are thinking, “Didn’t I hear basically the same story about F. Scott Fitzgerald?” Well you are wrong. My story is nothing like F. Scott Fitzgerald’s. His story goes a little something like this: Scott Fitzgerald was his nemesis. Growing up he was always there to show him up and make him look bad. If he took an exam and got a 65, Scott Fitzgerald would get a 66. If he bowled a 47, Scott Fitzgerald would bowl a 48. The guy haunted him all his life. To get back at him he decided to change his name to F. Scott Fitzgerald, where the F. stands for Fuck.
Also I am an extremely accomplished writer. F. Scott Fitzgerald is nothing. If people don’t stop insinuating that I have adopted F. Scott Fitzgerald’s life story as my own, I will have no choice but to change my name to F. F. Scott Fitzgerald, where both F’s stand for fuck. That would be it, Fuck Fuck Scott Fitzgerald.