So I’m discussing the rules of blogging with one of the experts…wait, I should explain something. From time to time I will mention the experts. Not just because they help me with my blogs but also because they flawlessly select the perfect belt for my bi-weekly shower. Who are these experts you might ask? Well I’m glad you did.
The experts are a bunch of guys who I have hired to make important decisions, eat low calorie foods, blame people for things and clean frosting from the inside of my shoes… It’s where I generally hide cake at parties. But you all know how that goes right? You go to a birthday party and the host hands you cake and then you’re like, “No thanks,” and their like, “Have some cake,” and you’re like, “Seriously, I don’t want any cake.” and then their like, “Dude it’s rude not to eat the birthday cake,” and then you’re like, “Look nut hole, I’m trying to be rude to you. The only reason I came to this party is because it was a great opportunity to show your dimple spotted sack a whole lot of disrespect by not eating your cake!” and their like, “seriously?” and then you’re like, “No, I just don’t like cake, man.” And then they give you frickin’ cake anyway! So you stuff it in your shoes.
Where was I? Oh yeah the experts! They are, in non-alphabetical order: Marty Bear, Joe-Buggy, Regina L. #6, Alzwell, Hermitude, and Morlin the Shameful.
So I say to the experts, I’m starting to write blogs, are there any rules to this? Then Morlin says, “Rule #1 is; don’t use any more than 300 words, period. People have short attention spans.” So I said, wait till you hear this, truly brilliant, “Since every